Five Year Olds Are Ruthless!

My beautiful five year old niece was over the other night for dinner and she has become quite annoyed with her two year old brother. “Boys are gross” she told me while picking her nose. I looked at her probably in disgust so she thought I was being understanding. She pulled her finger out of her nose and then put it in a bag of chips. (Kids are the best diet aids, I didn’t touch another chip all night). “I wish we could sell my brother…… he’s just soooooo gross”. I looked at her and decided to be the “fun” aunt for a minute. “I’ll buy him. How much do you want for him?” She looked at me for a moment and was very deep in thought… “I’ll sell him to you for $1.” Hmmmm $1 she either really doesn’t like her brother right now or she doesn’t understand the value of money yet. “Ok, I’ll take the deal. I’ll buy your brother for $1” (Before this goes any farther and I end up on America’s Most Wanted I promise I was teasing her I would never actually buy or sell a human child…..but I will joke about it )

He’s cute & he can get me free stuffed animals….so worth $1
She smiled and looked at her brother and told him that he was Aunt T’s now. My five year old son came up behind her and said “No, he’s not my mom’s!” (He gets really protective of both his Mommy and his status as baby of the house). I smiled and told him “Yes, he belongs to us now… I just bought him for $1” and pointed to his cousin who was now happily eating the possibly booger dusted chips. I expected my five year old to throw a horrible fit ending the joke, but he surprised me with his response. “Cool, what are we going to call him?” I have to admit I was a little taken aback. This is his two year old cousin who already has a name and yet my child was acting like I just told him we were getting a puppy. Dang, five year olds are ruthless. First they sell the poor kid, then they want to change his name.
Ok, so this might be the time to admit that I’m never going
to win ‘Mom of the Year’ because I enjoy messing with them a little too much.
So I offered up a name suggestion “How about Dave?” My son laughed “Dave O’Connor that’s a silly name…..he needs a C name like me and my brother.” (I officially apologize to any followers named Dave O’Connor….with my luck we probably have one). “Hmmm ok how about Carter?” My son looked at me, smiled, nodded and told his two year old cousin “Your name is Carter now and you’re my brother.” To this instead of protesting the two year old smiled and said “I Carter”. My five year old niece also took this opportunity to remind me she had not gotten her $1 yet.
These two are trouble!
So now I have officially learned two things from this conversation.
1) Five year olds are ruthless 2) Two year olds have no loyalty
to their parents. So of course this was the best moment for my sister to walk
into the room. Her two year old looked lovingly up at her and said “Mama, I
Carter now”. She looked at him….and then she immediately looked at me. I’m
still trying to figure out why she immediately thought I was to blame. “Your
daughter sold your son to me for $1 and then my son changed his name to Carter….do you want a glass of wine?”

She didn’t let me keep him…… #Lifewithboys


Tiffany O’Connor is a mom to two amazing, energetic, and fearless boys. She is married to her high school sweet heart and has three college degrees. Her hobbies include watching TV shows about zombies, hiding in her hot tub with a bottle of champagne, and writing all about her misadventures parenting in a “man cave” at #Lifewithboys.

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