I think I need an intervention…
I’m not on drugs and even thou I post quite frequently about wine, I am not an
alcoholic! (I know this because I’ve taken the Facebook quiz and according to
the eighteen year old computer geek who creates those quizzes, drinking 2 (ok
maybe 3) bottles of wine per week doesn’t make you an alcoholic)
am not sure if they exist, but if they do I need one stat. I need to be
surrounded by pretty frilly pink things. I need to watch a marathon of My
Little Ponies while getting a pedicure, having my hair braided, and listening
to Taylor Swift.
Yes, it’s that serious people. I need this intervention
because I think I am starting to turn into ‘one of the guys’.
I’m not joking. Testosterone must be contagious and here is
my evidence to prove it.
Growing Hair in Places I Shouldn’t Be Growing Hair
moustache and a beard. My husband pointed it out to me while we were kissing.
He thought it was funny, but I was pretty mortified. I started to get it waxed
monthly, but it just kept getting worse. Now I have to shave it at least once a
week. If that is not bad enough, I also have to trim my nose hair and my ear
hair. I’m like an eighty year old man in a thirty something year old woman’s
at Fart Jokes
laughing at them multiple times a day. My son’s decided to have a fart war at
the dinner table the other night and instead of stopping them like a normal
mother would, I was doubled over laughing as hard as they were. It’s obviously
a sickness, but it gets worse. I don’t just laugh at fart jokes. I have
actually started making my own fart jokes. I farted into my hand the other day
and then held it over my ten year olds nose. His friends thought it was
hilarious. I immediately realized I may need help.
Watch on TV
every week are The Walking Dead and Vikings. I can’t tell you the last time I watched a
romantic comedy, but I have seen EVERY single zombie movie that was ever
created. I use to spend hours binge watching movies like Clueless and Breakfast
at Tiffany’s. Now I binge watch Star Trek, Gremlins, and Space Balls. I use to
quote Mean Girls and now I quote Army of Darkness. At first I would just
pretend that I was watching these shows and movies for my husband and sons, but
now I have to admit I love the potty humor and gore just as much as they do. I
have completely lost touch with girly movies. I am probably one of the only mom’s
in the world who has never seen Frozen. Actually, the first time I heard about
the movie was when my sister told me she found my niece frozen underwear and I
asked why the underwear was frozen….true story.
Favorite Activities Have Changed
weekend were and they included things like shopping, drinking Zima’s with jolly
ranchers in them with my friends, and being pampered at the spa. Now my weekend
activities include fishing, having water gun fights, and attending football
games. I use to be really good at giving my friends manicures now I am a pro at
driving a go cart. I already know what I am doing for my birthday this year. My
big exciting birthday plans are to take my family to see the new Jurassic Park
Movie. I’m turning 33 and all I really want to do is watch dinosaurs eat people….if
that doesn’t scream ‘one of the guys’ I don’t know what does.
With the Flow
I no longer freak out when my sons do dangerous things.
While all the other mothers are yelling at their kids to be careful, I’m taking
a picture of mine climbing on top of the slide. I have accepted that boys push
the limits of safety, so now I pick my battles very carefully. I also have
gotten use to them doing weird things. When I come home in the middle of a snow
storm and they have a baby pool out in the living room and googles on I grab my
swim suit and make myself a margarita and pretend to tan under the reading
lamp. I don’t worry about messes or water damage. Life is too short to always
worry all the time.
Grosses Me Out
eat jelly beans that taste like boogers (thanks Harry Potter). I know more
about penis’s & balls than any woman has ever wanted too and it doesn’t
even phase me anymore when they start talking about or grabbing at them. I’ve
seen all types of messes and I am no longer phased by the collection of chewed
gum under the bed. I just make them clean it up and move on. I’ve sat on pee,
been texted pictures of poop, cleaned live snakes out of a drawer, and even
eaten a piece of candy that I found under the bed ( Don’t judge me…It was
still in the wrapper & I was having a really bad pity moment). There is
absolutely nothing that you can do to gross me out.
When you look at all the evidence one thing becomes pretty
clear. I might just be ‘one of the guys’. I probably need an intervention.
However, on second thought I don’t want one. I like being the queen of this man
cave. Life is fun and exciting and I am always entertained. Plus, I have these
three amazing guys who love to take me to do things. I mean their idea of the
perfect date is a hot dog eating contest followed by a monster truck rally, but
I don’t care my moustache and I enjoy every minute of it. #Lifewithboys
Tiffany O’Connor is a mom to two amazing, energetic, and fearless boys. She is married to her high school sweet heart and has three college degrees. Her hobbies include watching TV shows about zombies, hiding in her hot tub with a bottle of champagne, and writing all about her misadventures parenting in a “man cave” at #Lifewithboys.