Mom Interpretation For Males

I like to think of myself as a fairly rational person.  I am not medicated (wine does not count), institutionalized (hermit in your house does not count) or under psychiatric care (friends as shrinks do not count). As the only female in a male household, I feel like I handle the day to day grind with a “let’s get it done” attitude and if I am honest, a lot of sass.  Lately, the males in my house seem confused about what the correct response would be to any of my verbal or non-verbal communications . So I thought it time to decipher for them what a Mom”s look, action or command means.

1. Mom’s Psychotic Look

You know that moment when you tell your child to do something, MORE THAN ONCE, and then hours later it is still not done.  Then you ask them why and they say, “you never told me to do that!”  That is when you are so annoyed with them, that all you can do is give them THE LOOK.  You know the one, when you face goes back and forth between resting bitch face and an animal about ready to eat her young.  My 12 yo has literally said to me, “Mom, don’t give me that psychotic look.”  I tell him to try not to earn it. The reason for the look, is mommy dearest is holding her tongue as to not say things she will regret, like multiple cuss words.

2. Throat Clearing

If you are young male and in the middle of doing something and you hear “umm hmmm.”  I would think twice before your next action.  It could be something as simple as using your manners, to the next thing you do could get you grounded.  If you are an adult male, it means “look up from whatever you are doing and help me.” If it is a gentle sound, that means “please”.  If it is a rough and loud sound, that means “now”.

3. Cupboard Slamming And/Or Stomping feet

If you are not the Mom, then you better look productive.  Clean your room, take out the trash, do homework, etc….  If you are caught watching TV, playing video games or laughing at Mom’s fit, well, it was nice knowing you.  The reason Mom is upset is because she just got home to a giant mess created by someone that is not her.  This is usually after she gets home from work, some other stressful event or she just got done cleaning said mess recently.  I have tried to transition this action to writing post-it note requests and slamming them onto the cupboard.  However, I am now known as the crazy post-it note queen. I figure I’ve got to start somewhere….

4.  Mom Says, ” I Need A Hug”

Give your Mom/Wife a freaking hug.  She missed you. She needs love and affection.  She needs to know the men in her life appreciate her and have her back.  Most of all she just needs you, because you are the most important people in her life and everything she does is for YOU.

FYI: Headlocks do not count as hugs!

I will give you time to absorb these Mom Interpretations.  I am sure there will be more to come in the future.



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