An Open Letter From The Coaches Wife!

Dear Team Parents,

Hello, I am the coach’s wife. You may have noticed that I sit away from the crowd and generally keep to myself. I do not do this because I am stuck up or feel like I am too good to sit with you. I do this because I can’t handle the comments in the bleachers amongst the parents that are directed towards the players or my husband without any regard to who is sitting near them. I don’t want to hear something and keep it from my husband as it hurts him more than it hurts me to hear it.

I have sat for years listening to you bash my husband’s coaching abilities, questioning his decisions on what position your son is playing or how many innings your son sat. Do you realize that my husband has to make decisions on the spur of the moment and does admit that he has made mistakes? My son sits more than any of his teammates and I never complain, neither does he, even if he may have a better playing ability than another player. Have you considered that your son is playing a certain position because they are the best at it and we are playing to win?

My husband is a volunteer. He volunteers his time, his effort, and his patience to teach your son values as well as skills. He spends countless hours making rosters, trying to be fair, and you knock him down every single game, but will never say it to his face. He leaves work early to be at the game so he can help prepare the field. He communicates with the teams we are playing on his own time so that your kid can play a decent game. We spend our hard earned money on baseball equipment that the league can’t provide. We live modestly so that we can contribute to the sport in hopes that the players will grow up with respect and care for something more than themselves. He sends emails to parents, takes care of fundraisers, and even pays for a stats app so that he can send weekly updates to the players. All without wanting anything in return.

We have given up summer vacations so that my husband can be at every game. In return, you don’t let him know when your son won’t be there, sometimes out of spite. There goes the 2 hours he spent today making the lineup. He has more respect from the player’s than he does from some parents. My thoughts are this: I am glad that he is in your son’s life impacting him positively. If he teaches your son one thing, it was all worth it. I am not saying that you are a bad person. Good people make bad choices all of the time. I respect that you care for your son, I just don’t respect your behavior.

Ninety percent of our conversations at home are about the team and what to do next. It is a major stressor that a coach goes home with. Our son has to hear the backstory of everything so that we can explain why someone was being rude and teach him that it’s not his fault. It makes my heart heavy that we even have to do this.

I watch as my husband stresses out about what the parents might say rather than focusing on the whole picture. He is torn up inside knowing that he might not be doing his best. My question is this….Where is your husband? Why isn’t he offering to coach? Does he even come to the games? I rarely witness a dad having an issue with the coach or the game. It is usually the moms. I don’t quite understand, but if it were your husband being judged you may react differently.

The game is changed because of you. You can either be supportive and offer constructive criticism or be quiet. Remember, “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all?” It’s time to stop being a hypocrite and do as you teach your son. Lead by example. Offer to help if you do not like what is happening and please, please, communicate. If my husband does not know that there is an issue, how can he come up with a resolution for it?

Every game I go to, I pray over the players, the parents and the coach. I pray that the game will go smoothly and that if it should be, that we win. I ask that each of you find some peace in your son’s baseball game. It is a sport, something that will become a memory for them. My question is this: Do you want them to grow up with good memories of friendship and fun, or of stressful memories that mainly pertain to your dissatisfaction of something that probably didn’t bother them in the first place? It’s your decision…

Sincerely,

The Coaches Wife

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Jen is a mom of four testosterone driven boys and has been married to her high school sweetheart for 14 years. She seems to find time for everything that is important by being a power scheduler and manager of all things boy. Her knack for getting a good deal, sarcasm and love for wine are her greatest qualities, yet she seems to fall asleep each night before the wine can be consumed. When she is not playing taxi driver and pep talking her boys, she is spending time helping moms defeat the mindset that they should be putting their selves last by being a Health and Fitness Coach. She is a Registered Nurse and has a passion to teach others that their life doesn’t define them, they define their life. Get free motivation from her at www.BoyMomOnTheRun.com, on fb at BoyMom on the Run and on Instagram at BoyMomOnTheRun.

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4 thoughts on “An Open Letter From The Coaches Wife!

  • June 3, 2016 at 5:17 pm
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    I can’t even tell you how much I love this post. My husband has coached soccer for years and the parents are most of the problem, for sure. The kids are there to play, learn, make friends, and have fun. The parents feel like if they’re paying for it, their kid better win. My husband has sent emails to parents telling them if they want their kids to get better, he will teach them the skills at practice but they need to work on them each day at home. The responsibility needs to be shared, but people do not understand that. I’ve heard people make up flat-out lies about him because their child isn’t the start player. Well guess what sir? Your kid doesn’t even want to play, and he’s told my husband that several times. So find an activity that brings you closer to him, not one that creates resentment.

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  • January 24, 2017 at 4:08 am
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    I’m a basketball and baseball coach and have also coached soccer and hockey. Pretty much any sport my son or daughter has been involved in I have signed up to coach.
    One reason is that I love the kids and their enthusiasm to improve. It’s much more fun being on the bench than in the stands. I take courses on my own time to make sure I have what it takes to be the best I can be for the kids. I never complain about any of my kids coaches instead I offer to help.
    There is no complaining on my benches as we have open communication as I try and develop our team rather than one or two players.
    Thank you for your post. My wife says she can relate to you letter

    Reply

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